Big Boy
OK, you're all going to think I'm nuts, and I contemplated removing this post, but the experience was so odd and profound, I'm going to let it stay.
* * *
About a month ago, I began sensing a big black and white boy cat in my apartment. I don't actually have a cat, and when I have had one, it's always been Siamese. That is until I felt my home inhabited by a big ol' lovey cat. My folks were headed to town and the thought of introducing a new animal then just seemed overwhelming, so I didn't investigate where I might find a big black and white cat. A couple weeks went by and I felt him again -- wandering around, making himself at home.
I logged on to the Animal Rescue League site and saw a cat who looked and felt a lot like the one I felt here. His name was Biscuits, he was 2, and he'd been a stray. I headed to the shelter the next day, and he was the first cat I saw. He put both paws out through the bars of his cage and carefully cupped my hand, pulling it in to pet him... He was big and solid, but soft and sweet. His cage became clearer to me as the others faded into the background. I held him for a bit and although it wasn't an overwhelming lovefest, I definitely felt a connection.
Surprisingly, I left to think about whether or not to adopt him. I wanted to be sure it felt right and that I wasn't just making a rash decision. I ran some errands and enjoyed the afternoon. I stopped for a late lunch and a certainty washed over me... I realized he was my cat and I'd be crushed if someone else took him home. I raced back and filled out the paperwork, but wasn't able to take him home yet. The vet had detected a heart murmur and wanted to do a test to determine if he needed to be on meds. The test was scheduled for the next week, so once that was done, he'd be mine.
I hugged him and loved him and told him I'd be back to take him home real soon. That night I sensed him here again, and as I climbed into bed, he hopped up too. It was incredibly comforting to feel him here, and I looked forward to sharing my home with such a big ball of love.
I contemplated names for him (since he didn't strike me as Biscuits) and kept finding myself in hysterics each time I'd see the Citi commercial with the guy who mumbles his password, (big boy) and finally has to shout it (Big Boy!) on a crowded train. Though I couldn't imagine his real name being Big Boy, I found myself referring to him that way with friends and family.
I felt him here off and on the next day, and then after awhile, not at all. I didn't think much of it until I got a call from the shelter telling me they came in to find that he'd passed away overnight... I was stunned. First I felt bad for him, and then sad for myself, and then grateful that it hadn't happened here. I was pleased that he'd been warm and well fed and loved. I wondered if he just needed to know he could have a good home. Then I remembered his heart murmur and wondered if he came into my life to alert me to a heart problem I wasn't aware of... (Oh, how my mind can wander!)
Then a very wise friend reminded me that animals often come into our lives to help us as much as (if not more than) we help them, and that maybe Big Boy had come to open my heart. This resonated with me, and I think she was right. In the brief time he was here, Big Boy reached a place in my head and my heart that had been closed for quite awhile. Though a part of me is still blue, I'm in awe of the grand effect this guy's had on me and I'm grateful for the gift he gave. It'll be interesting to see what transpires...
* * *
About a month ago, I began sensing a big black and white boy cat in my apartment. I don't actually have a cat, and when I have had one, it's always been Siamese. That is until I felt my home inhabited by a big ol' lovey cat. My folks were headed to town and the thought of introducing a new animal then just seemed overwhelming, so I didn't investigate where I might find a big black and white cat. A couple weeks went by and I felt him again -- wandering around, making himself at home.
I logged on to the Animal Rescue League site and saw a cat who looked and felt a lot like the one I felt here. His name was Biscuits, he was 2, and he'd been a stray. I headed to the shelter the next day, and he was the first cat I saw. He put both paws out through the bars of his cage and carefully cupped my hand, pulling it in to pet him... He was big and solid, but soft and sweet. His cage became clearer to me as the others faded into the background. I held him for a bit and although it wasn't an overwhelming lovefest, I definitely felt a connection.
Surprisingly, I left to think about whether or not to adopt him. I wanted to be sure it felt right and that I wasn't just making a rash decision. I ran some errands and enjoyed the afternoon. I stopped for a late lunch and a certainty washed over me... I realized he was my cat and I'd be crushed if someone else took him home. I raced back and filled out the paperwork, but wasn't able to take him home yet. The vet had detected a heart murmur and wanted to do a test to determine if he needed to be on meds. The test was scheduled for the next week, so once that was done, he'd be mine.
I hugged him and loved him and told him I'd be back to take him home real soon. That night I sensed him here again, and as I climbed into bed, he hopped up too. It was incredibly comforting to feel him here, and I looked forward to sharing my home with such a big ball of love.
I contemplated names for him (since he didn't strike me as Biscuits) and kept finding myself in hysterics each time I'd see the Citi commercial with the guy who mumbles his password, (big boy) and finally has to shout it (Big Boy!) on a crowded train. Though I couldn't imagine his real name being Big Boy, I found myself referring to him that way with friends and family.
I felt him here off and on the next day, and then after awhile, not at all. I didn't think much of it until I got a call from the shelter telling me they came in to find that he'd passed away overnight... I was stunned. First I felt bad for him, and then sad for myself, and then grateful that it hadn't happened here. I was pleased that he'd been warm and well fed and loved. I wondered if he just needed to know he could have a good home. Then I remembered his heart murmur and wondered if he came into my life to alert me to a heart problem I wasn't aware of... (Oh, how my mind can wander!)
Then a very wise friend reminded me that animals often come into our lives to help us as much as (if not more than) we help them, and that maybe Big Boy had come to open my heart. This resonated with me, and I think she was right. In the brief time he was here, Big Boy reached a place in my head and my heart that had been closed for quite awhile. Though a part of me is still blue, I'm in awe of the grand effect this guy's had on me and I'm grateful for the gift he gave. It'll be interesting to see what transpires...
posted by Aimee at 4:22 PM
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